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WARNING

New York City International Travel Warning

Japanese Government Announces Level Cherry Blossom Warning

Minor Radiation Leak Nothing To Worry About

Only 10% of the Radioactive Release of the gleeful Chernobyl Disaster

Humans not affected, possibly mutations restricted to lower life forms, lawyers and politicians

New York City International Travel Report:

Japan has suffered another series of devastating earthquakes.  These tremendous tremors may have awakened Kathy Lee Gifford from her Asian retreat.  Some reports suggest radioactive fallout has spread to the ground water supply and already irradiated several layers of the ecosystem.  Due to bio magnification, higher trophic feeding levels will be subjected to ever increasing levels of ingested radiation.  If indeed aquatic species feeding on plankton and ectoparasite gnathid isopods build up levels of uranium and unstable radioactive material, fishing, whaling and skinny dipping might have to stop for several thousand generations of three eyed flat fish.

For the time being New York City International places an INTERNATIONAL TRAVEL ADVISORY FOR JAPAN until further notice.

Egyptian Killer Snake Loose in Bronx

Bronx Zoo Closes Reptile House

Poisonous viper on the loose, perhaps on a plane!

Samuel L. Jackson Freaks Out and moves to Brooklyn

New York City International Animal Report!

Mongoose Stock up 170 pts!

An adolescent cobra was lost in the Bronx Zoo sometime Saturday, NY sources report.  It is true the Bronx is a natural habitat for the big black snake with a large number of dark holes to hide inside.  Wildlife Biologist Expert M. Powers explains:

The Egyptian Cobra is quite venomous and could easily kill an elephant in 15- 20 minutes with one fart or bite.  Just the up close sight might be enough to frighten some New Yorkers to death.

Bronx Zoo workers are deeply concerned about maintaining their elephant populations after loosing two last spring.  Experience should prove a knowledgeable teacher for those interested in vacationing in the Bronx this weekend.  Stay away from the Bronx Zoo, Bronx Movie Theaters, Bronx isolated areas, and stay away from any massive black cobras spitting poisonous venom, that certainly includes the local Black Panther chapter and Black Mamba legion of the South Bronx.

Realistically it’s just another killer snake loose in the Bronx jungle.  More realistically the jungle is concrete with lots of sewers, rats and deformed pigeons.  We wish the Egyptian snake a long life in politics as the next political representative for the Bronx Borough.  We expect “L.Spike” to emerge coiled later this summer ready to clutch the election.  You heard it here, belly dancers, watch your toes!  There’s another snake on the loose!

Spring put on hold

Easter Bunny not Welcome

Obama declares war on Easter

Radiation leaks in Tokyo created radioactive eggs


New York City International News Report:

Due to Japanese radiation and New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg’s budget cuts, this year there will be no giant Easter Bunnies and only two eggs city wide.  The eggs will both be painted by children and made into an omelet that the Mayor will eat at the teachers pancake breakfast.  Thankfully other areas of the country can afford home grown eggs, but unfortunately due to insane artificial mathematical inflation by computer programs, New Yorkers must import radiated eggs from Japan, along with spinach, sold at seven times market value in Korean delis.  Most Manhattan residents agree,

Because of the normal day to day firing of prolific incinerators and automobiles, New York experiences one of the highest ingested levels of radiation and radical carcinogens in the United States.  It’s hard to breathe here compared to Bora Bora!  Complained one Upper East Side asthmatic resident.

Soon we will have air rights auctions in President Trump’s Tower to see who has the right to breathe.  Which is good, who needs a free environment of breathable oxygen anyway?  We should decide finally.

My vote is that the Easter Bunny goes first since no one wants to give sick Japanese radiated bunny eggs even if they are painted, said Fox News more or less.

Buyers and Consumers BEWARE, WHERE WAS YOUR EASTER CANDY MADE?


Spring Snow

Manhattan Weather Update

New York City International Travel Advisory

It’s past noon and believe it or not, snow is falling in Central Park!

Did the Groundhog plan this extended frost because Mayor Bloomberg squeezed his woodchucks?

Spring planting won’t happen today, or yesterday, or tomorrow.  Concrete farmers everywhere in New York must cure another day.

If you are thinking of traveling this week beware of black ice and bad drivers.

Be safe New York!

U.S. Fires on Libya

WARNING!

TRAVEL ADVISORY!!

The United States has war on over four fronts.

AMERICA HAS FIRED ON LIBYA.

America is at war in the Middle East with Afganistan, Iraq and now Libya, as well as carrying on the global war on terror and local war on drugs.

WARNING:  ALL TRAVELERS TO THE MIDDLE EAST!

BE WARY OF MUSLIMS CARRYING TICKING COCONUTS, FRUIT, HEROINE OR EXPLOSIVES, RETALIATORY TERRORIST ACTS HAVE BEEN VOWED BY LIBYA

Certainly the destabilization of the Middle Eastern area is important for all New Yorkers and world travelers SO pay attention!

We have had enough extremism in New York to last generations.  Perhaps the United States is planning strategic bases in the region in exchange for our military aid.  For all those considering buying a timeshare in Libya, I wouldn’t make that impulse buy just yet.

Wait until the dust clears, unless you are investing in Harris Corporation or other defense contractor companies, before setting up your ceramics shop.

Good luck to all those brave souls fighting and dying for money, oil, freedom, BIG BUSINESS and oppression.